Travolyn
by Shonetta
Summary: The lives of the crew are changed forever when they find a human settlement in the DQ. J/C
1. Chapter 1

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.**

 **TRAVOLYN**

 **Part One**

Alone in her ready room, sipping a coffee, Kathryn Janeway looked out at a planet that looked a lot like Earth. In fact, anyone could be forgiven for thinking it was the Alpha Quadrant world. It was about the same size, was the same distance from the sun, and was occupied by humans.

Humans and Vulcans.

Humans and Vulcans from the Federation that had been drawn to the Delta Quadrant by The Caretaker.

Kathryn had been amazed on learning this, amazed and excited at finding another stranded Starfleet crew, but now she wished she had never met them. The Starfleet crew, a large one of almost three thousand, had settled on this uninhabited planet after giving up their quest for home. They had been in the Delta Quadrant for ten years, eight of those on this planet, and with the help of the Reylin, a friendly race of neighboring aliens, had built an impressive settlement. It was called Travolyn, in honor of their once great starship that was now a museum, and over the years the population had grown to twelve thousand. Many couples had married and borne children, large families being encouraged, and others had set up home with a Reylin. A few hundred of the aliens lived and worked on the settlement and had since the beginning. The crew's former captain, James Ellis, was the planet's President, and he was both competent and charming. Tuvok knew him well, as they had once served together, and Chakotay had also made his acquaintance.

Chakotay.

It seemed he knew a lot of people. Too many people. One in particular.

An attractive redhead called Debi Lane.

According to B'Elanna, and Chakotay had confirmed it, he and this woman had once dated. Their relationship had ended almost as soon as it had begun, as Debi had accepted a deep space commission she had sought for years, but their parting had been amicable. Now, after two decades, they were getting reacquainted and spending a lot of time together.

Too much time.

And Kathryn was as jealous as hell.

Even though she had no right to be, as Chakotay was free to spend time with whoever he wanted, she couldn't help it. The former lovers were getting on far too well for her liking and Chakotay was enjoying Debi's company far too much. In the last three days Kathryn had only seen him twice, and today not at all. Neither had he spent the night on Voyager. She knew for she had checked. And that could only mean one thing: he had spent the night with Debi.

The thought was devastating, crushing, and the pain in her heart unbearable. How was she going to overcome it? How was she going to face the prospect of losing Chakotay? Because he was not a man for one night stands. If he had slept with this woman, it had to mean he cared for her.

Was maybe in love with her.

Was maybe planning on leaving Voyager to make a life with her.

He would not be alone.

Already over thirty crewmembers, both Starfleet and Maquis, had informed her they would be staying on the planet. It was hardly a surprise. Six years earlier, when they had encountered the 37's, hopes had been high that they would get home soon. No one had been willing then to give up on their journey. But now they were all six years older and Earth was still a lifetime away. It was only natural that many crewmembers, especially couples, would want to accept the settlement's invitation to stay. It was an incredible opportunity to start a new life. Amongst those who had decided to stay was Samantha Wildman. She and her husband were now divorced, him having met and married someone else after thinking his wife was dead, and Voyager was not the safest environment for Naomi. Neither did the little girl have any playmates. While Samantha didn't want to leave Voyager, she felt she owed it to Naomi to take a chance on Travolyn. The child could have a proper home, a proper school, and could play in the sun like all children deserved. Samantha also knew a few people, having met them at the Academy, and knowing them would make the transition easier. Kathryn had tried not to let her sorrow show when Samantha had told her, but her battle had been in vain for she had broken into tears as soon as Samantha had. Her only comfort had been the knowledge that Neelix was not leaving too. He had considered it, thinking Naomi would need him, but had concluded that Voyager's need of him was greater.

And it was.

Voyager needed every crewmember if it was going to reach its destination. With a crew complement of less than a hundred it would be difficult to keep her flying.

A hundred.

They were getting precariously close to that. The only saving grace was that a few of the settlers were going to join Voyager. But if the crew was still too small to continue, even with their numbers, they would all have to stay.

Stay and never see their families again.

Kathryn couldn't bear the thought.

Wouldn't entertain the thought.

Most of her crew did not want to stay. They had told her so in person. For this time she was not asking them to report to the cargo bay at a certain time if they did. She was asking them to speak to her personally. It felt kinder, somehow, as saying goodbye now would be so much harder than it had been then.

She could only hope she would not have to say goodbye to Chakotay.

Because she could not do it.

If he did want to be with Debi Lane, and it looked like he did, maybe Debi could be persuaded to join him on Voyager. She was an out of the box thinker, at least according to her record, and would have a lot to offer.

Suddenly, the door chime played.

Slowly, Kathryn turned from the window and called out.

"Come in!"

The doors opened and Tom came in with B'Elanna. From the look on their faces, and the way they were latched to each other, Kathryn's stomach sank. They had clearly decided to leave too. Of course they had, how could she have expected otherwise?

"Captain," Tom said, clearing his throat. "B'Elanna and I would...would like to talk to you."

Summoning all her strength, the Captain's strength that she depended on, Kathryn closed the gap between them. "I think I can guess what about." Inspite of her best effort, tears filled her eyes. "And of course I understand. You've just got married and..." She paused, a lump closing her throat. "But I'll miss you."

"Oh, we're not leaving," B'Elanna told her. "We just...I'm pregnant."

Kathryn's surprise was audible. "Pregnant?"

"Twelve weeks."

Tom spoke. "We know that should be all the more reason for us to leave Voyager and make a home here, but Voyager _is_ our home and we'd like it to be our child's too. Even though Samanatha is staying, Naomi has done just fine here, and with Ensigns Rennick and Jenson wanting to marry and have children too, our little one won't be without a playmate."

"That's right," B'Elanna said. "We have no doubt that you'll get this ship home and we want to be onboard when you do."

For a long moment, Kathryn said nothing. She wanted Tom and B'Elanna to stay, wanted that with her whole heart, but she wasn't convinced that they had thought things through. Voyager was no place for a child. Not when there was an alternative. They needed to consider all their options. Needed to be sure that if they were staying it was for all the right reasons. Staying out of fear of leaving was not the answer.

"When I get this ship home," Kathryn said sadly, "I would love to have you onboard, but I'd be failing in my duty if I didn't advise you to consider all your options. This settlement may not be Earth, and it may not be as developed as the one we left the 37s on, but it has a lot to offer. Especially to couples. You can have your own home and you can give your child a secure future. Voyager can't give you that. I don't need to tell you how dangerous our journey is. Every step we take is into the unknown."

"We know that, Captain," Tom replied, "but this settlement, as great as it is, is not for us. Voyager is where we belong."

Kathryn stepped closer. "But you have to be sure, Tom. An opportunity like this may not come knocking again. It already has twice."

B'Elanna spoke. "We are sure, Captain. We're just unsure if we're welcome."

"Of course you're welcome. Why wouldn't you be?"

"Because we have the opportunity now of raising our child on this planet. You may think it's for the best that we do."

Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. "That's not my decision to make. Only you and Tom can decide what is best for you and your baby. All I'm asking is that you think through your options carefully. Visit some schools, look around some houses. See what kind of life you could have here. Because once we've left, once we're back on course, it'll be too late to change your minds."

* * *

That evening, on a balcony that overlooked a lake that shimmered silver in the light of the planet's pearly moon, Kathryn dined with an old acquaintance. The woman, Emma Jacobs, had served with Kathryn on the Al Batani, and had been a passenger on The Travolyn when it got pulled to the Delta Quadrant. She was a rear admiral, by rank, and the most senior of all Starfleet officers on the settlement. She was also, technically, Kathryn's superior. The Admiral had declined the settlement's presidency, however, as she felt Captain Ellis was more suited to the post. Not only was she getting on in years, but she had no interest in a political career. She was happy teaching science at the settlement's small college. But she missed her family dreadfully, especially her two daughters, and it was with visible emotion that she talked about them.

"If my health was better," she said, "or I wasn't so old, I'd join you on your journey back to Earth. It would be a dream come true to see my children and grandchildren again. But I doubt I would survive the journey."

"I understand," Kathryn told her. "I'm hoping we'll get home this year, or next year, but the reality is our journey could be a long one."

"Yes. But I admire your courage in continuing. We weren't so brave. We were tired of trying to survive in hostile space, of constantly living on rations, and of never having a tomorrow to look forward to. We could only live for the day, for the moment. After two years, we could take it no more. When we found this planet, and the Reylin said they'd help us build a colony here, we didn't hesitate in settling. At least, not most of us. Commander Carr, our First Officer, was against the idea and there were a few others who objected." She paused. "Which reminds me, Commander Carr would like to talk to you. He returned a couple of hours ago from Drayliz, a demon planet we're mining a few light years away, and is very interested in joining your crew."

At this news, Kathryn's insides knotted. Commander Lucas Carr was a Starfleet Officer of impeccable and impressive record. She knew for she had looked up the profiles of all Captain Ellis's commanding officers. He was sixty years of age, distinguished, and had served as First Officer on several ships. It was only by choice that he had never been promoted to Captain. He had been offered times enough. If he joined Voyager then this would put her in a dilemma. By merit, Carr, and not Chakotay, should be her First Officer. He had far more command experience, was a decorated officer, a celebrated scientist, a recipient of many awards, and the elder officer. Starfleet Protocol would dictate that she make him her First Officer and demote Chakotay to Second. But how could she do that? Aside from the fact that she didn't want to, not in a million light years, how could she deprive Chakotay of his position on the ship when he had worked his butt off for seven years and made so many sacrifices? He didn't deserve demotion. He was the last person that deserved it.

But Starfleet Protocol would require it.

Starfleet Command, if they were ever in contact, would demand it.

But to hell with Protocol! To hell with Starfleet Command! Chakotay was her First Officer and she was determined he would stay her First Officer! Carr would have to settle for Second Officer. He had not been in active service for almost eight years. That could be excuse enough.

"But I see the thought of Carr joining your crew unsettles you," Emma said.

"Yes," Kathryn confessed. "But only if he upsets my command structure. I have no intention of demoting Chakotay. If Carr wants to join us, he'll have to settle for Second Officer."

Emma smiled. "Relax. He'll settle for Second Officer. Hell, he'd settle for conduit scrubber if it meant a ride home! He's a good man and won't upset the cart."

"I'm glad to hear it. But then..."

"Then what?"

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "Maybe the post of First Officer will be vacant soon."

Emma took a sip of wine. "Chakotay's thinking of staying?"

Kathryn nodded. "At least, rumor says so."

"Almighty Rumor. But he hasn't told you so?"

"No, not yet." A tear ran down her cheek. "But I don't want him to stay. He's a very dear friend and..."

Emma put her hand on Kathryn's. "You love him."

Kathryn flinched. "How do you...?"

"I saw the way you looked at Debi Lane when he was with her yesterday. If that look wasn't jealousy then I'm not a Jew."

Kathryn averted her eyes. "I have no right to be jealous, I know that, but I can't help how I feel."

"None of us can."

"But my feelings are irrelevant. Even if he felt the same...and I don't know what he feels...we can never be together, not while we serve on the same ship."

"Normally, I'd agree," Emma declared, "but your circumstances are unique. No one can expect you to be alone. With all the responsibilities on your shoulders, I'd say it's all the more important that you have someone's love and support."

Kathryn withdrew her hand. "I don't need it. And it would be wrong for me to have it when it's because of me that my crew are separated from their families. If I hadn't destroyed the array, if I'd found another way of protecting the Ocampa, husbands and wives wouldn't be separated, and children wouldn't be without a father or mother. It's only fair I suffer the way they suffer."

Emma looked at Kathryn in concern. Self-punishing was never good, and it seemed like Kathryn was self-punishing. Punishing herself out of guilt.

"You're not responsible for your crew's predicament, Kathryn," she said. "You made the right decision in destroying the array. I would have too and every Starfleet captain."

"No, not every captain. Not those who adhere to the Prime Directive. I broke it...or at least bent it...and my crew are paying the price."

"But are they? Are you absolutely sure you could have used that array to get your ship home? Are you absolutely sure you'd have been able to operate it correctly? Because one mistake, Kathryn, one minuscule mistake and you could have caused a disaster that would have killed billions. I wouldn't have risked it. Not for a second."

Kathryn's face paled. "I...I never thought of that. I never thought that attempting to use the array could be dangerous."

"No, because you're obsessing about the choice you made to destroy it. But at the time you knew that. I'm convinced you did. I'm convinced you knew that destroying the array was the safest option for everyone. And you were right." She took Kathryn's hand again. "Don't punish yourself anymore, Kathryn. You did the only thing you could do. You're not to blame for your crew's stranding. They're paying the price, as are we all, for The Caretaker's actions. He's the one who pulled us to this quadrant. He's the one who left us here. Don't blame yourself for the responsibility that is his."

Kathryn wept a little, she couldn't help it. "You're right," she said. "You're so right, and I feel..."

"Like a terrible burden has been lifted off your shoulders?"

Kathryn could only nod.

"Then I'm glad. You don't deserve to feel it's weight. You deserve to be happy."

"I think I''ve forgotten what it's like," she said tearfully. "For so long I've felt so guilty that I've found it hard to take pleasure in anything. Even my dreams have been haunted."

"By the ghost of an Admiral?"

Kathryn looked up. How did Emma know about the Admiral? Her older self that had plagued her dreams for the last few weeks? Disturbing and confused dreams about the future and the destruction of Earth by the Borg?

As though she could read her thoughts, Emma explained. "The Reylin have psychic abilities. One of them, my friend, Carwyna, saw an Admiral behind you when you visited our senate. Just briefly, just vaguely, but she saw her. A sad older you standing behind you. Carwyna didn't know what the vision meant, and neither did I, but now I think I do. I think my friend was sensing your guilt and regret, and those emotions manifested as an older you looking back at her life in sorrow."

"Maybe," Kathryn replied, "but I think...I think it's more than that. I've dreamed of the Admiral. For weeks I've had recurring dreams about my older self and the destruction of Earth. I can't remember them all, not in great detail, but it feels like the dreams are a warning somehow. But a warning about what, I don't know."

"To stop punishing yourself, perhaps. To stop wishing you could change the past."

"Perhaps. The Admiral changes the past...I remember that...something to do with a Borg transwarp hub and a pathogen...but things don't go to plan and Earth is destroyed by the Borg. But what it all means I don't know. It feels like a warning, but I've had recurring dreams before that were nothing more than my subconscious sending me a message."

"That's what recurring dreams usually are. But sometimes...well, maybe someone, in some time, is trying to tell us something."

"That's how it feels."

Emma topped up her wine. "When did the dreams start?"

"When we were charting a new course home. We do that every now and then...adjust our course to what we've learnt of the space ahead. I started to dream of the Admiral and started to have very strong instincts about what course we should chart. There were a lot of options, there always are, but some of them, passing through a certain space, made me feel cold inside."

"Then there must be something in that space that someone wants you to avoid."

"Yes. Or to avoid the future that entering that space would bring. A future in which Earth is destroyed by the Borg." She paused. "But even though I followed my instincts and chose an alternative route, I still have the dreams."

"Then there must be a chance that that future can still happen. Maybe it's you, as much as the route, that needs to change."

Kathryn considered. "Maybe. Or maybe I need to do something else...something else I haven't figured out yet...to change the future."

"Or do nothing. You say the Admiral changed history. She took it upon herself to rewrite the lives of millions. Who has that right? None of us. Like you, I've bent the Prime Directive many times...even broken it...but there is one thing I will never do, and that is to break the Temporal Prime Directive. However bad things are, we don't have the right to play God. We have to live with the consequences of our actions."

"You're right. I don't believe in changing history either. I never have...deliberately...and I'd like to say I never would. If I did...in some future...that me wasn't me. She was someone I became."

"Yes. A tortured soul haunted by guilt and regret. But you don't have to become her. I don't think now that you will become her. Because you have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing to reproach yourself for. You're a brave, kind, principled woman who would give her life in an instant for a just cause. You don't deserve to be chained by guilt. Millions do, but not you."

Fresh tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "You really mean that, don't you?"

"Entirely. You're a credit to Starfleet, a credit to the Federation, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your father would be very proud of all you've achieved. You should be too."

Suddenly, unexpectedly, Seven's voice spoke through Kathryn's commbadge. "Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway."

Composing herself, Kathryn answered. "Janeway here."

"I would like to speak with you, Captain. May I?"

"I'm afraid I'm otherwise engaged at the moment," Kathryn replied, not wanting to offend Emma by leaving dinner, "but if you..."

"I won't take up much of your time, Captain," Seven interrupted. "What I have to say is very important."

At this, Emma spoke. "You go, Kathryn. In your absence, I'll whip us up dessert."

"Ok," Kathryn smiled. "Seven, "I'll meet you in my ready room in five minutes."

"Thank you, Captain," the former drone replied. "I'll be there."

* * *

True to her word, Seven was waiting outside the ready room when Kathryn arrived there. The ex-borg was dressed in a black catsuit, an unusual color for her, and her hair was loose.

"I'm sorry to disturb your evening," Seven said as Kathryn approached, "but as Voyager is departing tomorrow, I need to speak with you tonight."

Kathryn didn't like the way this conversation was starting, but Seven was prone to over dramatizing. "In that case, let's get ourselves inside and talk."

They stepped into the ready room, lights coming on automatically, and then Kathryn gestured to the couch. "Shall we sit?"

"I am fine standing," Seven declared.

"Then we'll stand."

There was a long silence, almost an awkward one, then Seven broke it. "I do not believe in small talk, it is a waste of time and energy, so I'll come straight to the point. I have decided to stay on this planet. Icheb too."

The unexpected words hit Kathryn hard and it was a moment before she could speak. "I...I see."

"The Reylin are very medically advanced and, over time, will be able to remove all our Borg implants. We believe the full restoration of our natural physiologies is worth staying for. If we remain on Voyager, the likelihood is we will forever be part Borg. And as long as we are part Borg, we will never be free of the Queen. She will always seek to reclaim us."

Kathryn understood. How could she not? And it wasn't surprising that the Reylin could restore her human physiology. They were indeed very medically advanced, more so than any other species they had encountered. They had even cured Tuvok of his condition, not that she had known of his condition until he'd needed her consent to undergo the Reylin's treatment. They had also healed Crewman Daker of a rare immunodeficiency disease that was still incurable in the Federation. But as much as Kathryn understood Seven's decision, she didn't want to lose her. Icheb either. She had come to care deeply for them both.

"We will also have the opportunity on this settlement to truly rediscover ourselves," Seven went on. "It is a hard process on a ship that has so many rules and regulations."

Once, there had not enough rules and regulations for Seven. Not enough discipline. The fact that she now thought there were too many, showed just how much she had grown.

And she was right.

Voyager was not the best place for her to rediscover her humanity. The ship was run, at least most of the time, with military precision. She needed a more natural environment. Only then could she truly blossom.

"You're right," Kathryn said. "I don't want you to leave, for I will miss you terribly, but you're right that staying is in your best interest. Icheb's too."

"We will miss you too," Seven replied. "We will miss Voyager."

Tears stung Kathryn's eyes but somehow she held them back.

"But we will never forget you," Seven went on. "And we will always be grateful for everything you've done for us."

Kathryn found her voice, even though unshed tears closed her throat. "It has been a privilege. And a two way street. You've both contributed so much to our journey...especially you."

"I'm glad to have been a part of it."

For a moment, just a moment, tears filled the former drone's eyes. Then she steeled herself.

"Well, I...I had better go tell The Doctor. He will not...he will not be pleased."

"No," Kathryn said sadly. "He cares a lot for you."

"As I do him."

"If you like, I will tell him."

"No. He deserves to hear it from me. I owe him that."

Suddenly, the door chime played. Cursing the timing, Kathryn put her hand on Seven's shoulder. "We'll talk more tomorrow. In fact, as so many people are leaving, I think we should have a farewell party. It will make the parting easier."

"Good idea, Captain. I'll inform Neelix on my way to sickbay. He will take care of it."

Kathryn nodded, squeezed Seven's shoulder, and then reluctantly turned to the door. "Come in!"

The door slid open and then, as Seven left, Tom and B'Elanna came in.

"Captain," Tom said. "We're glad you're still here. We'd...we'd like to talk."

Their faces were even tenser than they had been on their last visit and Kathryn's stomach flipped. If they had changed their minds, then...

But she had to be strong.

Had to be the captain.

"Please," she said. "Take a seat."

"We're fine standing," B'Elanna declared.

Fine standing. Just like Seven. Another indication the news was bad.

"To cut a long story short," Tom declared, "we did what you advised. We looked at some schools and houses and...and we've changed our minds. We think it's best for us to stay after all."

Kathryn said nothing. She couldn't.

"It's not because we want to," B'Elanna went on, "at least, not really, but because we have to think of the baby. It would be selfish of us to put our needs first. We realized that when Naomi gave us a tour of her new house and the school she'll be going to. She was so excited, so happy to have all the things that regular children do. We knew then that we couldn't deprive our child of all those things. Not now there's a chance for us to provide them. It'll be a big adjustment...and we'll miss you all like crazy...but the people here are friendly and we believe we can fit in." Tears welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Captain. We're sorry."

Slowly, tearfully, Kathryn closed the gap between them. "Don't be sorry. I'll miss you too..profoundly...but you have to do what's best for you and your little one. She...or he...is your first priority."

"We see that now. Not that we weren't thinking of her before...because The Doctor says we're having a girl...but Naomi really brought it home to us."

Kathryn smiled. "A girl, eh? Better watch yourself, Tom. You'll be wrapped around her little finger in no time!"

"I can't wait," he smiled.

"But we need to know that Voyager will be ok too," B'Elanna said. "A lot of people are leaving and...and a Chief Pilot and Chief Engineer are a lot to lose in one go."

"Yes," Kathryn agreed. "And we'll feel your loss. Greatly. But nothing stays the same forever. If we were in the Alpha Quadrant, our crew complement would have changed several times by now. We'll adapt."

"And you'll have Seven," Tom said, "she's..."

"Staying too," Kathryn interrupted.

"Really?" B'Elanna exclaimed. "She's staying?"

Kathryn nodded. "The Reylin will, over time, be able to remove all her Borg implants. Icheb's too. They can't let that opportunity pass."

"Of course not...but still..." A tear ran down B'Elanna's cheek. "I'm sorry, Captain."

Kathryn put her hand on the half-Klingon's shoulder. "No more sorries, ok? Captain's orders."

B'Elanna nodded. And then, unexpectedly, pulled Kathryn close.

"You're the best and bravest person we've ever known, Captain. And we're so proud to have served with you. No one but you would have given us Maquis a chance and we'll forever be grateful. The last few years have been the best of our lives."

B'Elanna meant that, Kathryn could tell, and the words touched her.

 _Changed lives._

Their journey had changed lives.

Changed them for the better.

Her guilt and regret truly were unfounded.

But she would miss Tom and B'Elanna. God, she would miss them.

And, to stop herself from crying, for if she did she might never stop, she drew away.

"I'm proud to have served with you," she said. "You're exceptional officers and we'll never know the likes of you again. But we'll be ok. A little slower, maybe, and a little less extraordinary in a crisis, but we'll be ok. You just take care of your little one."

"We will," B'Elanna replied. "And we've decided to name her after you. You and our mothers. Kathryn Miral Lyn Paris."

Kathryn smiled, eyes moist. "I'm deeply honored. Honored and touched."

The doors suddenly opened and Neelix burst in.

"Captain," he said. "I've just seen Seven and..."

He stopped talking when he saw that his captain had company. And, when he saw the looks on all their faces, he groaned.

"Oh no," he cried. "Not you two as well!"

"I'm afraid so, Neelix," Tom replied.

"But you love it on Voyager! Why would you want to leave?"

"Because soon we'll be hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet."

"Tiny Feet?" Then the Talaxian understood. "You're having a baby? Oh, that's wonderful! Wonderful! But you don't have to leave. I'll help take care of it, just like I did Naomi, and we'll all have great times together!"

B'Elanna spoke. "We've made up our minds, Neelix. I'm sorry."

Kathryn reprimanded. "No more sorries, remember?"

"Sorry," B'Elanna replied. And then, realizing what she had said, laughed.

"But made up minds don't have to stay made up," Neelix argued. "Made up minds can change."

Kathryn wrapped her arm around the Talaxian's shoulder. "Part of being in a Starfleet crew, Neelix, is learning to say goodbye. It isn't easy, in times like this it can be very hard, but a Starfleet Officer will always rise to the challenge."

"That's right, Neelix," B'Elanna said. "And we're counting on it, because saying goodbye to you all will be the hardest thing we'll ever have to do."

"You can count on me," he replied, eyes heavy. "But I wish you weren't leaving. You both, Seven, Naomi, Samantha, Icheb, maybe Chakotay...Voyager will never be the same."

"There's no way Chakotay will leave," Tom declared. "Flying alien horses couldn't make him!"

"Flying alien horses maybe not," Neelix answered, "but I hear he's fallen in love with one of the settlers."

"That's rubbish," B'Elanna cried. "And if I knew who'd started the rumor, I'd ring their neck! He'd never abandon the Maquis or the Captain!"

Kathryn spoke. "It isn't abandonment, B'Elanna. He has as much right to stay as you and everyone else."

"But..."

"The Captain's right," Tom said. "And we'd be hypocrites to say otherwise."

At this B'Elanna relented, but was still visibly agitated. "I guess. I just...all senior officers can't leave. Where would that leave the Captain?"

"With a lot of promotions to make," Kathryn teased.

"Which will be good news for Harry," Tom joked.

"But it will be awful for you, Captain," B'Elanna went on, "if you lose everyone. Not that I'm saying I wouldn't want Chakotay around, I would, but you...you need him more."

The words hurt, for they were true, but again with great effort she numbed herself to the pain.

"I have Tuvok," she said. "If I need a First Officer, he'll make a fine one. Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have a dinner engagement to get back to. We can speak tomorrow."

Neelix spoke. "Oh, but I need to speak to you about the farewell party!"

"Farewell party?" Tom exclaimed. "What a great idea!"

"And I have great ideas for it," Neelix told him. "But I want to run them by you, Captain, and..."

"Run them by Tuvok," she replied. "I really must get back to my engagement."

Neelix sighed. "If I must, I must, but Commander Tuvok is such a party pooper!"

"Then how about we help you out?" Tom suggested. "We have the time."

"Oh, would you? Oh, thank you! Oh, Captain, may they?"

"Of course," Kathryn answered. "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Immediately," Neelix replied. "This instant."

Kathryn smiled, though her heart was heavy. "That's your cue to leave, Neelix."

"Leave? Oh, of course. Come on, party planners, we've got lots of work to do!"

The Talaxian left with Tom and B'Elanna, and Kathryn watched them go.

Watched them go with an aching heart.

A heart on the verge of breaking.

* * *

"At last," Emma said when Kathryn arrived back at her house. "Any longer and dessert would be breakfast!" But when Kathryn didn't laugh, and the Admiral saw how white her face was, her tone sobered. "But you look as pale as our moon. What's happened?"

"Nothing and everything," Kathryn replied. "Four more crewmembers are leaving and...and they're people I'm especially close to."

"I see." The kind woman put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "Is Chakotay amongst them?"

"No. But he's friends with them, especially with one, and her staying might persuade him to."

"But he hasn't said anything as yet?"

"No." Tears filled Kathryn's eyes and she turned to the balcony, gripping the rail and looking out at the lake. "I never thought this would happen. I never thought we'd find a colony of Starfleet crew. I should have thought of it, as lots of ships have been taken by The Caretaker, but the thought never crossed my mind. I thought most ships had been destroyed by the Kazon. And that's what arrogance does. My arrogance in thinking we were the only crew to get this far. But you got this far in only two years. It's taken us almost seven."

Emma stood beside her. "We might have got here in two years, but the wormhole almost destroyed our ship. That's one of the reasons we settled. It would have taken us months to get our ship flying again. The Reylin are very advanced, in many ways more so than us, but in space travel they're behind us. They wouldn't have been able to help much. They've only just developed warp technology. Your achievement is incredible, Kathryn. You've survived and your ship is no worse for wear. In fact, with all the improvements you've made, it's all the better. I meant what I said earlier. Be proud of yourself."

The words, intended to comfort, only succeeded in making Kathryn cry.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping away her tears. "I just...All this is so hard. But I mustn't cry. If I do, I'll never stop."

"I understand. But it's ok to cry. We always stop eventually."

"But the Captain mustn't. I need her strength. To get through this, I need her."

"What you need, I think, is a hug."

"No," Kathryn argued. "I'm fine. I just...give me a minute, ok?"

Emma hesitated, but then nodded. "Ok. I'll go and replicate us coffees."

With that, the woman left, and in her absence Kathryn tried to pull herself together.

Forced herself to be the Captain.

"You know," Emma said, returning with the coffees, "there is a solution to your protocol problem."

Kathryn turned to her former colleague. "I don't want to talk about this anymore, Emma. I need to...to forget for a while."

"Just hear me out. You say you can't pursue a romantic relationship with Chakotay because he's under your command. Starfleet regulation forbids fraternization with a subordinate officer. Yes, Starfleet regulation does, but there's a loophole. The relationship is permitted if the couple are married."

Kathryn froze. She had never thought of that. Why hadn't she thought of that? Maybe because the idea was ludicrous. How could she and Chakotay marry when they'd never even dated?

"And I know what you're thinking," Emma said, "that to marry him you would first need to be in a relationship with him, and there's the rub. But it's only a rub if you make it so. Romantic and sexual practises differ from culture to culture. In yours, pre-marital intimacy is normal, in mine, it's unusual. We wait until we're married to consummate our love. And, for us, it works. Because what matters at the end of the day is how much you love each other and how committed you are. A captain can't officiate at his or her own wedding, that's true, but Captain Ellis and I are both authorized by Starfleet to perform ceremonies. Even though we are no longer active Starfleet officers, we are still Starfleet officers, and if one of us officiates at your wedding then your marriage is legally valid in Federation law."

"I...I don't know what to say," Kathryn said, thinking. "I'd be willing to make that leap of faith...as you say others do...but to ask Chakotay to make it? I couldn't. I couldn't tell him it's marriage or nothing. He'd think me crazy."

"If he loves you, he'll be willing to make that leap of faith too. My husband did. And no, he wasn't an Orthodox Jew. He wasn't even religious. But he respected my faith, honored my culture, and wanted to do right by both. Chakotay strikes me as a like minded man."

"He is. But even if...I don't think he loves me anymore. I don't know what he feels for me. It would be wrong to ask for his love now when he has a chance of happiness with someone else."

"If he loves Debi, and she him, I'd agree. But if he doesn't, if his decision to stay is based on other considerations, then I think it would be wrong for him to make a decision without possessing all the facts. Maybe he thinks you're the one who has stopped loving him. Maybe he thinks that by staying it would be easier for him...or for you both...to move on. But one thing is for certain. One day he will love someone else. One day he will be gone from your life. And what will you do then?"

 **END OF PART ONE**


	2. Chapter 2

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**.

 **TRAVOLYN**

 **Part Two**

Alone in her quarters, Kathryn wept. Hugged a cushion and wept. Emma was right. One day Chakotay would be gone from her life.

Maybe tomorrow.

How would she cope? How would she say goodbye to him? How _was_ she going to say goodbye to so many people she had come to care for? With Chakotay at her side, the partings would be bearable, but if he was leaving too, how could she get through it?

She couldn't.

She would be lost without him.

Needed his light.

Without him her life would be dark, and cold, and lonely.

Unbearably lonely.

Needed him.

But too afraid to tell him.

Afraid it was too late.

All she could do was cry.

Cry and hug a cushion.

Cry until oblivion...

 _Chimes._

Door chimes.

Stirring awake after falling asleep on her couch, Kathryn glanced at the clock. What time was it? Was it still night?

Morning.

9:00 hours.

But Kathryn didn't want to see anyone. Didn't want to hear that someone else was leaving. Didn't want to face the day.

But somehow she had to.

Somehow she had to pull herself together and be the Captain.

Somehow she had to face Chakotay.

But she couldn't.

She couldn't even think of him without crying.

Was crying now.

Crying and hugging a cushion.

Rocking.

And then she heard Chakotay's voice. Heard him say her name.

"Kathryn..."

Kathryn looked up and, through a haze of tears, saw him standing in the doorway. He was out of uniform, wearing something brown, and seemed to be alone.

"I'm sorry for coming in uninvited," he said, walking towards her as the door shut behind him, "but when I got no reply I was worried."

Kathryn sat up and wiped away her tears, hoping he hadn't seen them but knowing that he must have.

"Didn't it...didn't it occur to you that I might be sleeping?"

"Yes. But it also occurred to me that you might be upset...and I was right."

Kathryn looked away. Looked into nothing.

Slowly, Chakotay closed the gap between them and sat beside her.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn. I'm sorry so many people are leaving. But I'm not one of them."

At this, Kathryn turned back to him, a light of hope in her wet eyes. "You're not?"

"Of course not. How could you think for a moment that I would?"

"Because B'Elanna and Tom are staying...because...because you love Debi Lane."

"I don't, Kathryn. She's kind, and clever, and I've enjoyed her company over the last week, but what she and I had was over a long time ago."

Kathryn got to her feet. "I don't believe you! If she means nothing, why have you been sleeping with her?"

"I haven't," he answered calmly.

"Then why didn't you return to Voyager the other night?"

"If you mean the night before last, because I was studying by starlight one of Travolyn's ancient archaeological sites that has perfect planetary alignment."

There was a moment's silence. Then Kathryn spoke. "Really?"

Chakotay stood up. "Really. I know there are rumors flying around about me and Debi, but I promise you that none of them are true. And I promise you that I have no intention of leaving Voyager. Not ever."

At that, Kathryn had to smile. Smile and tease. "Not even when we get home?"

Chakotay laughed, dimples showing. "Only then."

Their eyes locked, then Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder.

"There's going to be a lot of change on Voyager. Things are never going to be the same again. But I don't want them to be the same. Everything evolves, it's a natural process, and we need to too." Tenderly, he put his hand to her cheek and touched her tears. "I could say that I love you, that I can't imagine my life without you, but maybe this will say it better."

With that, he reached into a pocket, pulled out a black velvet box, and opened it. Inside, nestled in white satin, was a dazzling diamond ring.

At that sight of it, at the question it was asking, a question that was clearly the result of a conversation with Emma, Kathryn's last defense broke. All she could do was wrap her arms around his neck and weep.

"Oh, Chakotay..."

Chakotay held her in return, cradling her against him. "Is that a yes?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Well," Chakotay teased, "I guess that's better than a no."

Kathryn drew away from him. "I want to, Chakotay, I want to with all my heart, but I'm...I'm afraid. I'm afraid of crossing the line. I have a crew depending on me to get them home."

"A crew depending on us _,"_ he corrected. "And we won't let them down. We can commit our lives to each other without compromising our commitment to the crew. Their needs first. If we both live by that then we can't go wrong. Besides, with Commander Carr definitely wanting to join our crew...I've just spoken with him in the mess hall...I think it's only right that he replaces me as First Officer."

At this, Kathryn recoiled. "No. No way!"

"But he has an outstanding record, Kathryn. Anything less than First Officer would be an insult."

"And it would be an insult to you to have you anything less! And the crew wouldn't accept it. The Maquis wouldn't accept it!"

"There won't be many Maquis left."

Kathryn began to pace. "But I don't know Lucas Carr. How am I supposed to work that closely with him?"

"Because you're a Starfleet professional. And, remember, you didn't know me once."

"That was different."

"How?" He closed the gap between them and stilled her by placing his hands on her shoulders. "Not only is making Carr First Officer the right thing to do, but it will make a personal relationship between us all the easier. Not just on a practical level, but in the eyes of Starfleet Command when we get home. All major decisions will be made between you and Carr. No one can then accuse you of bias or clouded judgement."

"I know that, Chakotay," Kathryn replied. "But you're my First Officer. I need you by my side."

"And I'll be there, just in a different capacity." He took her hands in his. "I think it's for the best, Kathryn...for everyone's sake."

"But is it? If you and I...if we didn't have romantic feelings...then we wouldn't even be discussing this. That shows in itself how the personal is effecting the professional."

"We'd still be discussing it. Carr's record would make us. And, if we didn't have feelings for each other, if we were just colleagues, then you wouldn't hesitate for a moment in replacing me with Carr. It's the right thing to do. It's what Starfleet Command would expect you to do."

Kathryn wanted to protest, wanted to argue, but she knew he was right. So, instead of arguing, she sadly declined her head.

"You're right," she said. "Starfleet Command would expect it. And, for that reason, I've hoped against hope that Carr wouldn't want to join us. But he clearly does and...and we have to find a way forward."

Chakotay squeezed her hands. "And we've found it. He becomes First Officer and me Second."

Kathryn looked up, eyes misty. "But it's a hell of a comedown for you, Chakotay. Don't tell me it wouldn't hurt your pride. It would hurt mine."

"It will hurt my pride a little," he confessed. "I won't deny it. But not as much as not being with you hurts my heart. I'd rather be your Second Officer and your husband, than your First Officer and nothing more." He put his hand to her cheek. "Everything happens for a reason. More times than we know it for our good. And I think this is for our good. We can be closer personally, as close as two people can be, while distancing ourselves professionally. Let's not fight the change. Let's embrace it."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "If you're willing, then I have to be, but...but the change will be hard."

"Yes, but nothing worth having is easy. And you're worth having. Remember, my position on this ship is unofficial. I've never been a Starfleet First Officer, I've been your First Officer. Everything I've done has been in duty and loyalty to you. I want only what is in your best interest, and I think this is in your best interest. I also think it's in ours and the crews."

"Maybe, but no crew could ever have a finer First Officer. I don't need to work with Carr to know he will never be a patch on you. But if making him my First Officer is what is right and expected then I guess I'll have to live with it." She smiled through tears. "So long as I get to live with you in private."

Chakotay's eyes lit up. "You mean...?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied, "I'll marry you."

Chakotay laughed and scooped her in his arms.

"Providing the crew approve, of course," Kathryn said, hugging him too. "First Officer, or Second, we couldn't proceed without their blessing."

Chakotay drew her away. "Then we'll ask them for it at the party."

Kathryn nodded. "At the party. Until then, let's consider ourselves engaged to engage."

Chakotay smiled. "Works for me."

They gazed at each other happily and then, for the first time, brought their lips together in a tender kiss.

* * *

"Captain," Tuvok said in surprise when Kathryn arrived at his office two hours later, "I was not expecting you."

Kathryn hardly ever visited the Vulcan in his office. She always summoned him to hers.

"I need to speak with you," she replied. "It's a matter of some importance."

"I see," he answered. "Please, take a seat. May I get you a coffee?"

"That would be good."

As he replicated coffee, Kathryn sat down. But she couldn't sit still. Before a window of stationary stars, she fidgeted with her fingers and then with her commbadge.

"From your demeanor," Tuvok said, returning to her with a cup of steaming black coffee, "I conclude that the matter you wish to discuss with me is not good. And yet, I am not sensing distress. Merely, discomfort. Which suggests to me that the subject is not bothersome to you, but you fear it will be to me."

"As always," Kathryn replied, taking her coffee, "your Vulcan intuition is correct."

Tuvok sat beside her. "Then unburden yourself of this matter and I'll tell you if your fear is justified."

"I...I don't really know where to begin," she said, "I suppose with the first matter. Commander Carr, former First Officer of The Travolyn, is joining our crew. I've just had a meeting with him and everything is decided. Because of his record, and his seniority, he will be replacing Commander Chakotay as First Officer. Chakotay will be our Second."

"I see," Tuvok replied. "That will be a considerable change. And an unexpected one. But I take it you and Chakotay have come to this decision together."

"We have. We think it's for the best. Which brings me to the second matter. Chakotay and I we...we love each other."

Tuvok's eyes twinkled. "And that is supposed to be news?"

Kathryn looked up at him. "You mean...you know?"

Tuvok almost smiled. "Vulcan intuition. I have long observed an attachment between yourself and Commander Chakotay. But, to be fair, so have others."

"Others?"

"The exact nature of your relationship has been the subject of ship-wide gossip for the last five years. As your acclaimed poet, Shakespeare, once wrote: what great ones do, the less will prattle of."

"Really? The crew have speculated about our relationship for five years?"

"Ever since you were stranded together on New Earth."

"I see. I had no idea."

"In many minds you are secret lovers."

Kathryn couldn't help but ask. "And in yours?"

"I do not believe you and the Commander have ever acted upon your feelings for each other. But, for us to be having this conversation, I take it you either have over the last few days or now wish to."

"Right again," Kathryn replied. "We wish to." Tears filled her eyes. "I love him with all my heart, Tuvok. I know I shouldn't, as he's under my command and a Maquis rebel, but we're a long way from home and bonds develop. I've tried not to love him, tried with all my might, but I can't stop. He's my best friend, my closest companion and confidant, and I need him. I didn't know until this week just how much. When I thought I was losing him...that he was going to stay on this planet...I couldn't bear the pain. I need him by my side. But if I keep denying my feelings, keep pushing him away, one day he won't be there." She paused. "But your opinion of me is important to me, Tuvok. I want you to respect me. I want the crew to. I don't want you...or them...to think I'm weak."

"Weakness, and Kathryn Janeway, are not words I would use in the same sentence. Humans are not Vulcans. Humans need emotional bonds. Commander Chakotay is the most logical person for you to have bonded with. As to your positions, a relationship need not be romantic for judgments to be impaired. Friendship can be as undermining. I believe you and the Commander are more than capable of combining a personal and professional relationship. Your maturity far exceeds that of other officers who have successfully managed to."

"Thank you, Tuvok. But I couldn't...I couldn't have a relationship with him. Starfleet protocol forbids fraternization between a Captain and a subordinate."

Tuvok frowned. "I am confused. If you do not intend to have a romantic relationship with the Commander, what are we discussing?"

"Marriage," Kathryn answered. "Chakotay and I would like to get married. Starfleet protocol permits an intimate relationship between a captain and commander who are married."

"That is correct," he said.

"But how would you feel about that, Tuvok? How would feel about us marrying?"

"As a Vulcan, I would feel little. But if you're asking if I approve, then I do."

"Really? You do?"

"And would, even if Chakotay was to remain as First Officer."

Kathryn smiled, her relief visible. "Thank you, Tuvok. Your blessing is important to me. So is the crew's. We won't proceed without it."

"I doubt there will be a single objection. You are not the only one who has feared the Commander's departure. His leaving is a ship-wide fear. The crew will be glad to hear he is not only staying but marrying you. The news will restore their sense of security. There may be a few objections to Carr becoming First Officer, but I doubt many. They will accept that the change is for the best."

"I hope so, Tuvok. I truly hope so."

"They will, Captain. Trust my Vulcan intuition."

* * *

As always, Neelix excelled himself in the party he threw for the crew. It was held in the mess hall, beginning at 15:00 hours, and the atmosphere was one of both sadness and joy. Sadness to be saying goodbye to so many friends and comrades, joy at the excitement of new beginnings. At Kathryn's orders, everyone was out of uniform, and the usually quiet mess hall was alive with music, chatter, and laughter.

"I should be mad," Kathryn said to Emma Jacobs as the two women talked in a corner of the room, "I should be furious with you for talking to Chakotay, but I'm glad you did. Things have been left unresolved between us for too long."

"I'll say," Emma smiled. "But I was discreet. I made sure of his feelings before telling him yours."

"Thank you. We needed a nudge and..."

Emma raised an eyebrow.

"Ok," Kathryn laughed, "an almighty push. We also needed an outsider's perspective. At least, I did."

"Sometimes we all do. But don't be too hard on yourself, Kathryn. Your predicament is unenviable. Our captain was lucky in that his wife was already onboard."

"Yes. But to make the decision to settle...that took courage. I don't think I could. I don't think I could ever give up on the hope of home."

"In a situation like ours, every decision is brave." The old woman put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "But remember what we talked about last night. You're in no way responsible for your crew's circumstance. Only The Caretaker is to blame."

"I think I finally accept that. All these years I've questioned the decision I made, wondering if I could have got the crew home and destroyed the array, but now I see I did the right thing. You've helped me see that and I thank you."

Emma smiled. "I'm glad to have been of service."

Tom suddenly took to a makeshift stage and addressed the crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Voyagers and guests, may I have your attention please..."

At those words, the room fell silent and every one turned to look at Tom.

"If you're thinking...or rather fearing...that I'm going to make a speech," he teased, "you're right."

The crowd laughed.

"But I promise you that it will be brief and to the point. As I'm sure most of you know by now, B'Elanna Torres and I are leaving Voyager to start a new life on this planet. It isn't a decision we've made lightly, in fact it's one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make, as Voyager has become our home and all of you our family. But part of being a family is learning to say goodbye. And now that B'Elanna and I are going to have a family of our own..."

There were a few whistles and cheers in the crowd.

"We feel it is time for us to spread our wings and build a nest. But, like everyone else leaving, we will carry our Voyager family in our hearts forever. The last few years have been the best of our lives and we are prouder than proud at all we have achieved. It has been a privilege serving with you all and an honor to have been a part of such an incredible journey. We will have amazing stories to tell our children and grandchildren and, who knows, maybe one day our descendants will meet your descendants. Technology is advancing all the time and a goodbye now doesn't necessarily mean a goodbye forever. We know you will make it home. Captain Janeway, and your determination and courage, will get you there. No crew could have a greater Captain, and no Captain could have a greater crew. We will be with you in thought as you continue on your journey and..." His voice cracked with emotion as he looked at his teary eyed crew and he brought his speech to a close. "And we wish you well."

"We do," B'Elanna said, taking to the stage, "and I know I speak for all us leavers in saying we will miss you...every day. Our lives are infinitely better for having known you all, and we hope, in some small way, that yours are better for having known us. I'm not sorry for a second that we got stranded. I'm glad of it. Voyager has been my happiest home, the only place I've ever belonged. I can never thank Captain Janeway enough for everything she has done for me. For everything she has done for all us Maquis. To her, we have never been misfits. We have always been valuable crew members. Never has she made us feel inferior to her own crew. Starfleet, Maquis, or even from The Equinox, we have all been the same to her. We have all been her crew. Some captains would have kept us confined, others would have had us scrubbing conduits, but Captain Janeway not only integrated us into her crew but gave us responsibilities, responsibilities some might have thought madness. Who makes a Maquis rebel their First Officer? Who makes a Starfleet drop out Chief Engineer? Who makes a convict Chief Helmsman? But to Captain Janeway we weren't just those things. Chakotay, me, Tom...she saw that we were more. To put it plainly, she saw the good in us. She saw it when we couldn't see it in ourselves." A tear escaped the half-Klingon's eye. "I admire her for that, I respect her for that, but most of all I love her."

Tuvok joined her now. "As, I'm sure, do many here. Especially, I am told, Commander Chakotay. In fact, the Commander would like to say a few words."

"That's right," Chakotay said, ascending the stage. "According to rumor, I am leaving this ship, but I assure you all that I am most certainly staying."

At this news, the crowd cheered. Cheered loudly and long.

"But I will not be staying as your First Officer. Commander Carr, the former First Officer of The Travolyn, a highly acclaimed scientist and decorated officer, will be serving as your First Officer instead. I will be your Second"

The crowd buzzed and were clearly unsure what to make of this.

"I'm sure you will all give him a warm welcome," Chakotay went on, "and will give him the dedication and loyalty you have always given me. You are a fine crew and it has been a great privilege to serve as your First Officer all these years. I look forward to being your Second and to the new challenges we face as we journey forwards." He paused. "But that is not the only news I have for you all. However, before I give it, I would like to invite Captain Janeway to the stage."

Eyes turned Kathryn's way and, to cheers, Kathryn took to the stage.

"Six years ago," Chakotay then said, "when we encountered the 37s and were faced with this dilemma of settling or continuing our journey, none of us seriously considered leaving Voyager. Our journey was still new and our hope of getting home in months was high. But six years is a long time, and in that time, hopes, aspirations, and circumstances have changed. Continuing a journey of unknown dangers and uncertain length is no longer the wisest course for a number of our crewmembers. Home is where the heart is, and the heart can sometimes find a home from home. For our crewmembers that are staying, they have found that home from home here. For the rest of us, our home from home continues to be Voyager. But with so many of our colleagues leaving, colleagues we have come to care for, life on Voyager will never be the same again. All of us, from the lowest to the highest ranks on this ship, have had to search our souls over the past few days and assess, or reasses, our positions and relationships. We could get Voyager home next week, or next month, but it could be years before we reach the Alpha Quadrant. An opportunity like this to settle might never come again. But as Voyager is a home, aswell as a starship, and we are a family, aswell as a crew, the Captain and I have never enforced Starfleet's fraternization protocols. We encourage relationships, so long as they are discreet, and welcome marriages, even children. Naomi Wildman has been an asset to Voyager and will be greatly missed." He paused, hesitating. "The Captain and I began this journey, like so many of you, as enemies. But over the last seven years we have, like so many of you, become comrades and friends. The Captain is my best friend, and Tuvok is right in saying I love her. I love her with all that I am. What's more, I'm in love with her. She's the most amazing person I've ever known."

There were a few agreeing cheers and whistles.

"The Captain...whether I am worthy of it or not...loves me too. She has for a long time. We've both loved each other for a long time. But because of our positions on this ship we've never acted on our feelings. We've never really even admitted them to each other. Over the last few days, however, with the choice facing all of us, we've been forced to. But before we are friends, before we are two people who love each other, we are this ship's commanding officers. Like all couples who love each other, and are committed to each other, we would like to get married, but that is a step we will only take with your blessing."

These words caused another buzz, and Kathryn glanced at Chakotay anxiously. Had they overstepped the mark? Were they crazy to even think of this?

Then Neelix jumped onto the stage, unable to contain himself with excitement.

"Oh, Captain, Commander," he cried, grabbing them each in turn and hugging them. "This is such wonderful news! The best of bestest ever! I always knew you loved each other! And of course you have our blessing, of course!" He turned to the crew. "Isn't that right, everyone!"

The crowd cheered and applauded, the volume deafening.

"Thank you," Kathryn said, wiping away a tear. "Thank you, all."

"Oh, no need for thanks!" Neelix exclaimed. "You and Chakotay are the greatest! Congratulations! Oh, I'm so happy I could burst!"

"If you do," Tuvok said, "please make sure it is not over me."

Neelix laughed and put his arm around Tuvok's shoulder. "And they say Vulcan's have no sense of humor!" He then addressed Kathryn. "But when exactly are you getting married, Captain? Today? Because it will have to be before we leave. A captain can't marry herself!"

Tom spoke. "I'm sure there's some regulation that allows it in the event of a starship being lost in space, but I'm also sure I speak for everyone who is leaving in saying we'd hate to miss the big event!"

There were a few agreeing shouts from the crowd.

"So you'd better be marrying today," Tom went on. "We'll never forgive you otherwise!"

"Today and right now," Neelix declared. "So, Captain and Commander, we'd..."

He was interrupted by Naomi who climbed onto the stage. "They can't get married right now, Neelix. The Captain isn't dressed right and we don't have a cake!"

"A cake? Of course, Earth weddings have cakes. And Earth bride's always wear white."

"They do. So they look like princesses. And they always have a bridesmaid."

At this, Kathryn smiled. The child was clearly hinting. "Volunteering yourself, Naomi?"

"I am," she declared.

Neelix spoke before Kathryn had a chance to. "Then you're hired, Naomi! Now, Captain and Commander, get yourselves out of here. We have a wedding to prepare for. You have sixty minutes!"

* * *

Just over an hour later, the ceremony was underway. Standing outside the mess hall, breathtakingly beautiful in a white satin gown that made her look every inch a princess, Kathryn waited with Naomi for their cue to enter. In her hands was a lovely bouquet of white and blue roses, and on her feet were silver shoes that glittered like the tiara gracing her now bunned hair. From the tiara, a pretty lace veil fell down her back and kissed the silver sash at her waist. If it hadn't been for Naomi, Kathryn might well have chosen to get married in uniform, but the child had set her heart on a white wedding and Kathryn didn't want to disappoint her. Neither did she mind all the glitz. Quite the contrary, she was secretly glad. It felt good to indulge her femininity, to look like a woman and to feel like one. But as they waited for their cue, Naomi talking nineteen to the dozen, Kathryn's thoughts were light years away. She could hardly believe she was marrying Chakotay, everything had happened so fast, and she couldn't help but wonder if she was dreaming. But if she was dreaming, her mother and sister would be present...perhaps magicked in by Q...but they weren't present. They were at the other side of the galaxy. And the thought of that momentarily brought tears to Kathryn's eyes.

"Alright, ladies," she suddenly heard Neelix say, "you can go in now."

The Talaxian, who must have beamed before them as the mess hall's doors hadn't opened, smiled warmly and gave an encouraging wink. Kathryn smiled back and then, before she knew it, was walking through an aisle of people to an arch of white roses that canopied the stage. Beneath it, Chakotay was standing in a fancy suit of gray, and before him, in a uniform he hadn't worn for years, was Captain James Ellis. Harry was playing the clarinet...the old time favorite 'Here comes the bride'...and Tom Paris, the best man, was standing with Voyager's senior staff, which did not include The Doctor who was filming the event. Time seemed to stand still as Kathryn joined Chakotay under the arch, reality suspended, and then, before their attentive crew, they made vows of marriage to each other. As they did, Chakotay placed a golden ring on Kathryn's finger, and she placed one on his. Then, after Captain Ellis proclaimed them husband and wife, they sealed their union with a kiss. The onlookers cheered and then showered them with rainbow confetti.

* * *

When the celebrations were over, including the cutting of a magnificent four tiered wedding cake that had been quickly replicated and decorated by Neelix, it was time for every one to say goodbye to the departing crewmembers. The farewell was to be formal, as was befitting exemplary officers, so everyone left the mess hall to change into their uniforms. Given the momentousness of the occasion, only dress uniform would suffice. When everyone was ready, the Voyager crew lined, in order of rank from the lowest to the highest, the corridors to transporter room one. From there, all departing crewmembers were going to be beamed to the surface. Kathryn waited in the room with Chakotay, Tuvok and Neelix, and Captain Ellis and Admiral Jacobs were also present. It was with wet eyes that the departing Voyagers entered the room, and it took all Kathryn's strength to offer them all a handshake without showing the emotion she felt inside. With Tom, B'Elanna, Seven, Icheb, Samantha and Naomi, it was impossible. In the privacy of the room, she embraced them all, she could do nothing else, and little Naomi clung to her for a long time. Almost as long as she'd clung to Neelix. Kathryn had expected the departure to be exceptionally hard for the child, for Voyager was all she had ever known, and had prepared.

"I have something for you, Naomi," she said, drawing the child away. "Something special."

With that, she reached into a pocket and pulled out a little red velvet pouch.

"I had this made especially for you."

Naomi took the pouch. "What is it?"

"Open the pouch and see."

Naomi opened the pouch and pulled out a sparkling silver necklace. Hanging from it was a beautiful silver pendant of Voyager, the 'blue eye' a glittering sapphire.

"It's a necklace," Naomi smiled. "Of Voyager."

"Not just a necklace," Kathryn told her, "but a data device. It contains hundreds of photos of our journey, videos of all our special times, your holoprograms just as you left them, and messages from all of us just for you."

A tear ran down the child's cheek. "Really? Messages just for me?"

Kathryn nodded. "And much more besides."

Samantha spoke. "That's very good of you, Captain. Thank you."

"The thanks are all mine," Kathryn smiled. "You've been an exemplary Captain's Assistant, Naomi. I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Naomi said. "I've loved being your assistant...and bridesmaid."

"I've loved having you as both."

"Are their pictures of the wedding in my necklace?"

"There sure are."

"Then I'm going to print one of us, frame it, and keep it by my bed. I already have one of Neelix and the crew."

Touched, Kathryn reached out and put her hand to the child's cheek. "I'll do the same. But I won't need a picture to remember you. You'll be in my heart...and all our hearts...forever."

"That's right," Neelix said, visibly emotional. "But you'd better get going now. Everyone is waiting."

Kathryn could see that this parting was hard for him, that he wanted to hurry it along before he broke down, so she sped things up.

"Goodbye, Naomi," she said. "You too, Samantha. I wish you both every happiness in your new life."

Samantha wiped away a tear. "Thank you, Captain. We wish you every happiness too and a safe journey home."

The two women embraced, shook hands, and then the Starfleet officer and her daughter stepped onto the transporter pad. Moments later, they were gone.

Gone like all the others.

No more left to leave.

Gently, Emma put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "We'll take care of them all, Captain. We promise you that."

"I don't doubt it," Kathryn replied. "They're all going to have a wonderful life with you. But take especial care of Seven. She's not as tough as she seems."

"I'll personally take her under my wing."

"Thank you."

Emma then held out a padd. "When you get to Earth, I'd be very grateful if you could give this to my family. It contains messages, pictures and videos that I'd like them to have."

Kathryn took the padd. "I'll see that they get it."

Captain Ellis spoke. "Now it's our turn to say goodbye to our settlers leaving for Voyager. Are you ready for them?"

Kathryn nodded.

"Then I'll give the word."

With that, he hit his commbadge, connected to an official on the surface, and then gave the go ahead for transport. Seconds later, a group of eighteen men and women, all in Starfleet uniform, materialized on the transporter pad.

"Welcome to Voyager," Kathryn smiled. "We are delighted to have you join us on our journey."

Commander Carr, a ruggedly handsome man with sleek silver hair and blue eyes, thanked Kathryn on everyone's behalf, and then the small group of officers said goodbye to Captain Ellis and Admiral Jacobs. The farewell was moving, as was to be expected, and then Captain Ellis and Admiral Jacobs said goodbye to Kathryn and her senior officers.

When they were gone, and all departures and arrivals were done, Kathryn turned to Voyager's new arrrivals.

"Now that you're here," she said, "we'll get down to work immediately. Ensigns and Lieutenants, I have conduits for you to scrub. Commander Carr, I have a sewage system for you to fix."

The group looked at their new captain in mortification and Kathryn laughed.

"I'm only kidding. I might be a workhorse, but I'm not a slave driver."

At that, the group laughed.

"Take the new few days to settle in. Your quarters, I'm pleased to say, are ready...even yours, Commander Carr, as Chakotay has vacated. On Monday I will formally welcome you all into our crew and I'll meet with you individually to discuss roles and responsibilities." She addressed a young man who had chestnut hair and hazel eyes. "Jason Jakes, I am very impressed with your Starfleet record, especially the aviation prizes you have won, and would like to offer you the position of Chief Pilot. Do you accept?"

The man smiled, clearly delighted. "I do, Captain. It will be an honor. Thank you."

Kathryn smiled back and liked this man already. He had an infectious smile, a kind face, and a friendly manner.

Neelix, who had remained quiet as long as he could, finally spoke.

"If you don't know already," he said, "I'm Neelix. Morale Officer, Chief Cook, and a hundred things besides. If you have any dietary requirements, or any favorite foods, don't hesitate in letting me know. I serve to please and am pleased to serve."

Commander Carr smiled. "Thank you, Neelix. I'll eat anything, but Lisa Martin is vegan, Josie Manx fruitarian, and Horis Kent Kosher. I'm sure they'll be glad of your personal menu service."

Neelix nodded, satisfied, and smiled at the group.

"Now," Kathryn said, "we'd better get ourselves out of here before our crew get cramp! They've been lining the corridor for over an hour. Commander Carr, I'll introduce you to everyone as we leave. You too, Jason Jakes. The rest of you I will introduce on Monday."

The group were happy with that so Kathryn, with Commander Carr and Jason Jakes beside her, left the room. The rest of the newcomers followed, with Chakotay, Tuvok and Neelix behind.

* * *

It was well passed midnight before something resembling normality returned to the ship. Alone in her quarters, surrounded by Chakotay's belongings which had been hastily removed from his quarters, Kathryn stood before a window and looked out at the stars flying by at warp speed. Travolyn was already millions of miles away and so too were her beloved crewmembers. But they were starting a new life, an exciting life, and so was she. From now on everything was going to be different.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Thinking it was Tuvok, or Neelix, Kathryn turned to the door.

"Come in!"

To her great amusement, Chakotay entered.

"Oh, Chakotay," she laughed. "You don't need to ring. You..." At the twinkle in his eyes, she saw that he was teasing. "And you know you don't have to, teaser."

Chakotay smiled and closed the gap between them. "I almost did, though...ring. I guess old habits die hard."

"I guess they do. I think it'll be a while before the reality of today sinks in. For all of us."

Chakotay nodded.

"But despite all the departures today," Kathryn continued, "the crew seem to be in good spirits and are very optimistic about the future." She smiled. "So am I."

Chakotay smiled back and was just about to speak when Tuvok, over the comm, beat him to it.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay," he said. "Stand by for transport."

Kathryn questioned. "Transport?"

"In approximately ten seconds."

He then closed their connection and, before Kathryn and Chakotay knew it, they were dematerializing and rematerializing somewhere else.

Somewhere warm and cozy.

A log cabin.

A luxurious log cabin in the heart of majestical, snowcapped, mountains. In a stone chimney a fire was blazing, and before the fire, on a pinewood table, a bottle of champagne rested in a bucket of ice. Beside the bucket were two tall crystal glasses, and beside the glasses was a large gold box that was wrapped with red ribbon.

"Captain and Commander, welcome to your honeymoon, " Tuvok said over the comm. "Enjoy your weekend."

Kathryn opened her mouth to protest, but Tuvok hadn't finished.

"And before you object, the crew and I insist. We have rearranged our shifts and you are both off duty until noon on Monday. See you then. Tuvok out."

The connection then terminated and all went silent, except for the crackling of the fire.

"Well," Kathryn said, turning to Chakotay. "It looks like we're honeymoon hostages."

"Yes," Chakotay laughed.

"We should have known the crew would get up to something. They wouldn't let us marry and be done with it! But do you think they'll be ok? With Tom and B'Elanna gone, Seven too, do you think they'll manage?"

Chakotay smiled. "We haven't left them, Kathryn. We're only on the holodeck."

"I know, but to let them fend for themselves for a whole weekend. One of us is always on duty."

"It'll do them good. Besides, this space is as safe as space can be." He drew Kathryn into his arms. "Sometimes, Kathryn Janeway, you worry too much."

Kathryn smiled, cherishing the feel of his arms around her and the newness of slipping hers around his neck. "I do, don't I?"

He nodded, relishing her closeness too.

"But I'll try not to from now on," she said. "Because everything is different now. Not just between us but within myself. I know I did the right thing in destroying the array. For years I've questioned that decision, even tortured myself about it, but I see now that I really had no choice. If we'd used the array to get home, we could have caused a disaster. We're lucky we didn't cause one by destroying it."

"We are. It could easily have happened. But what helped you to see all this? Emma Jacobs?"

Kathryn nodded. "She also told me something strange. Remember those dreams I said I was having? About me as an admiral and a Borg transwarp hub?"

"Yes."

"Well, a friend of hers...a Reylin with psychic ability...saw that older admiral. She was standing behind me, just for a second, and was transparent like a ghost."

"That is strange," Chakotay agreed. "Any thoughts?"

"A few. I think someone in some time...maybe an older me...was sending me messages in my dreams. Messages to help me change the future. I did that by changing our course...remember how I told you I had bad feelings about some routes?...but that changing our course wasn't enough. To stop that future from happening I needed to change too. I needed to stop punishing myself for destroying the array and start embracing the journey. I think the Admiral that Emma's friend saw was a manifestation of my guilt and regret. A ghost of my own making. But she doesn't haunt me now, Chakotay." Tears of joy filled her eyes. "Finally, after all these years, I'm free."

Tenderly, Chakotay put his hand to her cheek. "I'm glad to hear it, Kathryn. You deserve to know true peace."

"So do you...my angry warrior."

"I do. Finally, I do. And I'm not angry anymore. I haven't been for a long time. I love my life now. I love you."

Kathryn smiled. "I love you too. And I'm glad we got stranded. I'm glad you came into my life."

"Ditto."

They gazed into each other's eyes, losing themselves, and then kissed softly.

When at last they parted, Kathryn took his hand in hers and pulled him towards the fire.

"Come on," she said. "Let's unwrap our present, which I'm guessing is from the crew, and open that bottle of champagne."

Chakotay sat with her on a couch before the fire, a red velvet couch that was heavenly comfortable, and together they opened the glittering gold box. Inside was a wedding card, signed by every member of the crew, and two matching 'his and hers' blue satin robes. Their initials were embroidered on both and were gorgeously entwined.

"Oh, Chakotay," Kathryn said. "How lovely. Our favorite color too..."

There was also a pair of coffee mugs in the box, white ones with 'Mr' and 'Mrs' on them respectively, and an exquisite heart shaped vase of red glass on which was engraved: _Captain Janeway & Commander Chakotay, congratulations on your wedding. May your love forever shine like the stars. From the crew of The USS Voyager._

Kathryn touched the words. "How beautiful. Terribly formal, but beautiful."

Chakotay smiled. "I doubt they dared be personal. Might land them in the brig."

Kathryn looked up. "For a month on bread and water."

"Yes," he laughed, "though I'm sure The Doctor would have something to say about that."

They smiled at each other, then Chakotay gazed at her hair. It was still bunned after their wedding and looked beautiful in the firelight. Kathryn saw that he was looking, and looking with pleasure, and spoke.

"Like my bun, Sir?"

He nodded. It had always been his favorite of her hairstyles, perhaps because it was the most feminine, and he'd missed it."

"Then maybe I'll keep it."

Chakotay smiled, delighted, and Kathryn kissed him softly. Then she picked up the bottle of champagne and opened it. As she did, a fountain of frothy bubbles rained down upon them and they laughed.

"Let's make a toast," she said after filling their glasses to the brim. "To us, to our crew, to the absent and departed, and to new beginnings."

Chakotay raised up his glass. "To us and to that."

They knocked their glasses together, took a sip of bubbly, and then sealed their toast with a kiss.

 **THE END**


End file.
